we haven’t spoken in a week.
your nonchalant door slamming and mouse clicking
remind me of my invisibility, my indivisibility
in the patriarchy of this house.
if i do not leave, i might soon drown.
the weight of hegemonic cis masculinity surrounds me.
i am in a bubble of breadwinning and negligence.
it is the nonnormative normative, the normative of the nonnormative,
the alternative normative, and there are many,
but this is one. but you deny it.
once, you stood in the doorway of the kitchen.
i needed to pass, so stepped forward and said,
“excuse me”
but just like a man you didn’t budge
you controlled my space and made me shrink before you,
tiny as an ant.
once, you sat in the hallway taking up half the space and
i accidentally bumped you even though I barely had room
and i said i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry
i said i’m sorry but you, you, you didn’t say sorry
because you weren’t taught to say sorry and you weren’t taught
to take up minimal space and you weren’t taught
to make room for passers by and you weren’t taught
you weren’t taught to internalize patriarchal oppression.
i was taught to internalize patriarchal oppression.
when you tell me i’m overreacting:
that is patriarchy.
not even when you screamed at the pig and called him a cracker did one person accuse you of
overreacting.
that is patriarchy.
calm down, woman.
be a lady.
just talk to us civilly, explain to us, baby us,
give us your emotional labor.
meanwhile, let me let out my anger at the state, because when you yell at a
comrade
you are overreacting. he’s on our side, the anti-capitalist side, because for some reason anti-capitalism is our side, and not anti-patriarchy or anti-white-supremacy or even anti-colonial.
this struggle isn’t mine.
if this was my struggle, nine tenths of the folks i talk to would understand why
i get up in arms against patriarchal oppression
instead of telling me to calm down, that’s your comrade.
this struggle isn’t mine.
if this was my struggle, i wouldn’t feel so alone and isolated when
one of the supposed comrades tells me he wants to fuck me
when i try to hand him a flyer.
this struggle isn’t mine.
because, comrade, friend, if it was, you, a part of this struggle, wouldn’t be sitting downstairs
mislabeling my criticism as attack
when i was only talking to you about gendered oppression.
this isn’t my struggle. but i’ll make it mine.
because someday, someday soon, you’ll learn to listen
rather than defend, and we’ll learn to understand
the complexities of our positionalities,
and not only will you speak to me again,
but we’ll also understand
each other.